Spring Break Essentials

Hot Girls and BBQ Sauce are obviously a must when planning any spring break road trip, but what exactly does today’s college student need when making the trek down to such Spring Break hot spots as Boston, Boise and the craziest, wildest Spring break getaway paradise, Haiti?

Spring Break Essentials:

Where to go on Spring Break?

So, you have a week off from school, it’s cold outside and you don’t feel like going home and dealing with mom because your midterm grades aren’t that hot. A few of your friends decide that you’re gonna road trip in johnny’s 1998 Acura Integra, the only issue is you don’t know where to go.

Here are the hottest Spring Break Destinations of 2010.

Boise, Idaho.

Have you ever been to a topless potato eating contest? We, haven’t either, but trust us, if you’ve never been to Boise’s “Spud, Suds and Tits” contest, you have NOT been to spring break. Just be careful, the sheriff is mean and doesn’t like black people.

Boston, Massachusetts.

Nothing says Spring Break party like watching the duck races in the Commons. If you’re lucky the ice has thawed. If not, boy does it make the girl’s nipples hard.

PortauPrince, Haiti.

If the bad economy has hampered your budget, just head on down to Port-au-Prince. Not only can you get cheap airfare and lodging, but you can probably write the whole trip off AND get college credit. Also, the locals look like African chicks, but without the AIDS! Finally, if your trying to get lucky with an American, what better way than with some crunchy hippie Peace Corp girl?

Spring Break Essentials:

What to wear on Spring Break?

If you are a guy it doesn’t really matter, just make sure it’s a funny t-shirt.

If you are a fat girl, please cover up.

If you are a HOT College Girl and you are willing to hook up, then by all means, wear some boy shorts and a bikini top, or a bikini, or shorts and a tshirt.

BUT, if you are a Hot College Girl and are just there to be a tease, please cover yourself. (it’s not fair.)

Spring Break Essentials:

Where to find hot college girls on Spring Break?

Hot College Girl Tanning on the Beach

Hot College Girl Tanning on the beach

The college girls will obviously not be at museums, art galleries or anywhere else where smart people hang out.

If you look like “The Situation” and have the brains of a Fruit Fly, you will get laid on Spring Break.

If, you are:

“A good guy”

“Marriage Material”

“Fat”

“A Good Friend”

“Smart”

You have absolutely no shot of getting action on spring break.

How do I score a hot girl on Spring Break?

Jewish College Girls
Jewish College Girls

Here is the only chance you have.

If the girl is drunk then maybe you got a chance.

If the girl already hooked up already and you don’t mind sloppy seconds, you might have a chance. (if she’s drunk)

If the girl has vomit in her hair and is drunk you might have a chance.

If the girl is on her period (and is drunk) you might have a chance.

By the way, if the girl is not hot, you still don’t have a chance.

The above rules still apply.

So, these are Fat Jewish Guy‘s Spring Break Essentials.

Hope you enjoy them.

If you have more to add, please feel free to let us know.