Lunch with TMZ’s Harvey Levin

I didn’t really have lunch with Harvey Levin from TMZ.

I just had an interesting conversation with him today regarding Ben Roethlisberger’s religion.

You see, I wanted to let Harvey know that Ben Roethlisberger was in no way Jewish.

Harvey then asked me if he was Polish.

I replied that I didn’t know, and that maybe he was German.

Anyway, this sounds really impressive right?

Well, what if I added that this conversation happened on Twitter?

Not so much right?

Harvey Levin TMZ

Harvey Levin TMZ

But, I would like to take the chance to invite Harvey Levin to lunch.

Yes, you would have to buy, but, I would be willing to drive over the hill to meet you, which if you are not from LA is a HUGE deal.

After lunch, (preferably deli within the TMZ) maybe he would let me do some on air commentary for the daily show.

Wait, are you asking why I am using the initials TMZ in regards to a location?

Well mom, I’m sure you didn’t know what TMZ stands for, but it actually means 30 mile zone.

That is the 30 mile radius around the studios where celebrities can use their “Hollywood Entertainment Book” discount card for an extra 20 percent off of every day savings on things like restaurants and stuff.

Anyway, after my conversation about the alleged rapist Ben Roethlisberger I started wondering who would be treated worse in prison.

White quarterback Ben Roethlisberger (Superbowl rings) but there were Human victims. (allegedly)

Black quarterback Michael Vick (no Superbowl rings) but there were no human victims.

A random white man. (he sells tires but also likes to have sex with animals)

That would actually be a question that I would ask Mr. Levin if we ever spoke. (since he is a lawyer) If one were on trial for having sex with animals, would the age of the pet have any bearing on the prosecution? I actually feel that a puppy would get you more jail time, but maybe that’s just what I would give the bastard who slept with a dog.

Anyway, later in the evening I went to the Roxy for a charity event that was being held through Twitter, but in real life.

Though it seems confusing, it was not as confusing as me thinking that the Roxy was the Roxbury from the movie Night at the Roxbury.

So, I was standing in the corner doing the night at the Roxbury head thing yelling Emilio across the room, but no one got the joke.

Especially since at the age of 32, I didn’t realize that HOT 22 year old girls at clubs in LA wanted to have nothing to do with a guy making references to movies that they have never seen.

Yes the irony of the whole thing is not lost on me.

Anyway, as I was staring at the hot chicks walking around and thinking in my head that Shorty would kill me if I talked to them, I realized that Shorty is an evil genius.

She’s like, “go out and have a good time honey.”

Guess what?

The Hot young model types walking around half naked trying to find a rich guy?

It’s as if I were single they would be like, “Wow, you are hot, let’s go home together!”

Nope.

As I was pretending that I could get any girl in the place, it was just a matter of morals, I saw a stand in the corner with bags of potato chips on it.

FREE CHIPS.

Score.

These weren’t just any chips.

These were popchips.

If you don’t know what a popchip is, they are these amazing potato chips that are popped and not fried. (so they are good for you)

As I was flirting with the rep “Crystal” I managed to eat 3 bags of them.

Finally, at the end of the night, I stopped by the stand once more and grabbed more than 5 and less than 15 bags of chips and walked out.

I got to my car and there was a ticket on it.

20 bucks.

Did you know it is illegal to park on a hill with your wheels straight?

Remind me to ask Harvey Levin if we ever do lunch.

Then, after 4 hours of crazy partying with all types of cool people at the Roxy, I stopped at the market, bought Shorty some ice cream cones and surprised her with popchips.

I’m glad she’s not a Steelers fan.

Harvey Levin – I’m serious. Contact me through this website or twitter. Let’s do lunch. (we can split the bill if you want)