Dear Eddie Murphy.
I am sorry.
If you’re getting a Google alert please accept my apology and if you happen to be a publicist, please forward my message to Eddie.
This is what happened:
I had a rough day today after going to the dentist and getting 5 cavities drilled.
Shorty went out for dinner, so I decided to take Pretzel for a walk and grab a cup of coffee to wake me up.
I got to Coffee Bean, tied Pretzel to a post and walked inside.
That’s when I saw him.
Standing right in front of me was who I thought was Charlie Murphy.
He was standing with a very good looking woman and they were talking and generally having a good time.
Now, here is where things got interesting.
I thought about saying, “I’m Rick James Bitch!” but I figured he has heard that many times before.
I remember that my cousin used to do Karate at the same Dojo as Charlie Murphy, so I figured I would go up to him and tell him that.
Then my plan was to say something like, “If you ever need a Jeff Garlin look alike, check me out at FatJewishGuy.com.”
It was a good plan, one that generally gets a laugh from people and who knows, Charlie has some connections so you never know.
Anyway, I finally worked up the courage to say something and I walked up to him.
Now, I have no idea why I was so nervous, but I interrupted their conversation and I said, “Mr. Murphy?”
The man turned around.
(Since I said, mr murphy i was still cool)
I then said that I was a big fan.
He said thank you.
Then I said, “My cousin used to spar with you back in New Jersey.”
That’s when he turned to me, and did the Eddie Murphy classic look.
You know the look I mean.
The one that made him famous in Beverly Hills Cop.
And using the famous Eddie Murphy Voice, he said to me.
“You must think I’m Charlie”
I was SHOCKED.
That was Eddie Murphy.
The best stand up comedian EVER.
Had I known I would never have walked up to him.
I just called Eddie Murphy Charlie in front of a woman.
I tried to recover, so I said to him, “Well, then my cousin used to kick Charlie’s ass back in Jersey” (I do not know if this is actually true, I am sure Charlie beat my cousins ass a few times)
Then Eddie laughed.
I got the hell out of the Coffee Bean.
I never got the chance to say my website.
I never introduced myself.
I was mortified.
So, I apologize to you Eddie.
In hindsight it is a great story to tell, but I hope I didn’t ruin your night.
I would still like to extend my offer to you that I was gonna give your brother.
If you ever need a funny fat Jewish guy just ask.
I look like Jeff Garlin and can play an Italian if needed.