Yesterday my mom asked me why I hadn’t written in a while.
I gave her some bs story about how I have been busy with work.
I’m sorry mom, I lied to you, but I had a really good reason to.
See, the past few weeks I have been living a double life.
Before I go on, I want to apologize to Shorty s well, since what I am about to write will hurt her.
You see, I have been secretly dating Elin Nordegren better knows as Tiger Woods’ wife.
It started off innocently enough, I received an email from Elin right around Christmas.
The jist of the email was that Elin wanted to have an affair so that Tiger would understand what it feels like.
She continued to tell me that she means no offense, but she figures that if me and her slept together that it would really bother Tiger.
I did not take any offense to that, and decided that I was actually doing a mitzvah by having sex with Elin.
We got together and immediately hit it off.
At first she would talk about Tiger, crying on my shoulder as I caressed her smooth skin, but then the subject turned to how much of a man I was and how she never knew that fat could be so sensual.
I covered her in hummus one night and let me tell you that it was mind blowing.
Over this weekend, we decided that maybe she should try and reconcile with Tiger but that we would remain friends.
Elin Nordegren didn’t do anything wrong in this situation.
I was honored if only briefly to have been Elin Nordegren’s new boyfriend.
Now that it is over, I need to just remember the times we had and count my blessings that she never got mad at me.
No matter what, Ill always have the pictures of Elin Nordegren’s new Boyfriend, because guess what?
I was him.