I’m Fat and Tiger Woods Cheats.
Now, since being fat and being a cheater don’t seem to have anything in common, you may ask why I even brought it up.
I mean, you get it, I like to eat.
But what does that have to do with Tiger Woods and his wandering Pee Pee?
Well, let me try and explain.
Two weeks ago I went to the doctor.
It’s no secret that he told me to lose weight.
He even told me which diet to go on. (The Pritiken Diet)
Anyway, I left his office and vowed to bring my weight down so that I can be healthy.
Two days later, I stopped the diet.
Last week, I went to get an ultra sound.
See, my liver tests came back all messed up and teh doctor wanted to make sure that everything was good.
Well, they found some “sludge” in my gall bladder and some fat in my liver.
I left the hospital swearing that I was gonna lose weight and I managed to follow the diet until Friday night.
See, Friday night was the first night of Hanukkah and I was making latkes.
So, I broke my diet by eating fried potatoes, fried chicken, brownies and sme other stuff I shouldn’t have eaten.
Now, I am back on track.
So, what does this have to do with Tiger woods?
To Tiger, a hot blonde girl is like a bag of Skittles to me
He cannot resist the sweet taste of a slutty party girl just like I cannot resist the sweet taste of M&M’s.
What I am trying to say is that Tiger should just give his wife 20 million dollars and divorce her.
He isn’t ready to give up his blond girls just like I am not ready to give up my Egg Plant Parmesan.
Why would you renegotiate a pre-nuptual agreement that would give your wife around 300 million dollars if you cheat, if you plan on cheating?
Tiger Woods got caught.
He wasn’t ready to stop messing around.
He just got caught.
Fat Jewish Guy does not condone cheating (on women not a diet), but if you know that you like chasing tail, then why in the world would you stop?
Give the girl 20 million, keep playing gold and banging your whores.
When Tiger is ready to settle down he will, just like when I am ready to stop with Burger King I will.
That’s my two cents.
By the way, for what it’s worth, the disease that I can get from eating a burger without protection has a cure.