One Thousand Dollar Salad

I ate a one thousand dollar salad tonight.

Let me explain.

About a week ago Shorty asked me if I had plans tonight.

I told her that I didn’t think I had plans and that I would have to check and get back to her.

So, I hung up the phone and called her back and asked her is I was busy today.

She said no, so I told her that I could go with her to dinner.

Shorty told me to get my suit ready and I asked her why, she replied by saying that we were going to the Boys and Girls Club of America’s “Heroes and High Hopes Dinner.”

Sweet, I get to eat for free dress up and meet some people, “I’m in” I told her.

Today Shorty sent me a text message that said, “my company paid 10 thousand dollars for the table.”


Ten grand to eat dinner.

I was super excited.

I got dressed up in my blue suit, white shirt (no tie) and actually put on socks and shoes for this occasion.

The event was held at The Beverly Wilshire, (the one from Pretty Woman) and you could feel the class when we pulled up.

Yes, our gray Dodge did not seem out of place sandwiched between the Rolls Royce Phantom and the Yellow Lamborghini and the valet people were very attentive as I got out of the car, even helping me put on my jacket.

We walked into the place and got our table number.


Had we been in Vegas I would have taken that as a sign and hit the tables, but we weren’t in Vegas, we were in Beverly Hills and there were appetizers to be eaten.

The guys were walking around with trays of food and I was immediately offered something salmon.

It was actually a salmon wrap that was cut into small bite sized pieces.

Here is the issue.

They did not have tooth picks.

This may not seem like a big deal, but when there are a lot of people around picking at food, they inadvertently touch things.

I don’t like it when people touch things, so I came up with a plan.

I scanned the room and saw the corner where the waiters came out from.

That’s where I set up shop.

I stood there and thus I ensured that I would be the first one to touch each tray.

Boy, did I touch those trays.

I think I ate around 20 or 30 appetizers before I saw some guy in a bow tie.

It was such a cool look that I had to talk to the guy.

I walked right up to him and told him that his bow tie was cool but that he needed a more flamboyant handkerchief.

He ignored me and then his wife started talking to me about how hard it is to tie a bow tie.

Well, I walked away and continued to eat some appetizers until it was time to eat dinner.

We sat at the table, (which held 10 people) and I looked down and stared at the salad that greeted me.

Now, I have no idea why, but at these fancy events they always like to put fruit and goat cheese on salads.

Let me tell you something.

It is annoying.

Stop it.

I don’t want Papaya and Goat Cheese on my salad.

A 1000 dollar salad

A 1000 dollar salad

Why is goat cheese even considered fancy?

Anyway, the rest of the menu was filet mignon and prawns.

Since I am now Vegan, (pesce-pollo-octo-ova-terian)  I couldn’t eat the dinner.

This is how I ate a one thousand dollar salad.

By the way, the man with the bow tie?

Note to self, never mess with a man in a bow tie at a charity event.

Chances are he is very very rich and very very powerful. (I did talk to him later though and he could not have been nicer)

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