Van Jones Quotes

If any of you have followed the news cycle over the weekend, you might have heard about someone named Van Jones who had to resign from the Obama White House for comments that he made.

For those of you who don’t know who Van Jones is, he was until yesterday the White House Czar for Green Jobs.

Personally, I didn’t know that we had czars in America, but apparently we do.

Anyway, what this guy Van Jones apparently said was that, Republicans are Assholes and that Bush caused 9/11.

He also said something like white people shoot up schools and black people kill each other.

You know what?

He’s right.

When was the last time a black kid caused a massacre at a school?

They can’t do it.

See, black people aren’t smart enough or organized enough to pull off a school shooting.

First of all, they would have to actually be in school.

Then they actually have to plan the shooting.

If they actually get through planning the shooting, then they have to get the ammunition and sneak it into school.

Way way way too much work.

Black people would never do that.

Now, as for Van Jones.

I have no idea who he is or what he does.

He might have the greatest ideas ever pertaining to the environment.

Unfortunately we will never get to hear him because he decided to open up his mouth and talk.

Dude.

Shut up.

Every day we read articles about people who wish they never posted something on myspace, facebook or twitter.

There are people who can’t get jobs with companies like the GAP because there is a picture of them drunk making out with a fat girl while on Spring Break.

Everyone knows that whatever you say will follow you forever.

But, you wanted to be cool.

You wanted to say stuff like, Republicans are assholes.

Dude.

Leave that stuff to Chris Rock.

Anyway, like said, I have no idea who Van Jones is or what he stands for.

But, I do know that he is a complete moron.

Not for his views, but because he actually expressed them.

Here are a bunch of Van Jones Quotes so you can decide for yourselves:

A girl phoned me the other day and said… Come on over, there’s nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can’t.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

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