I scheduled surgery for Tuesday morning at 5am.
This doesn’t seem like a big deal, especially for me who has already had two surgeries this year, but you see, I am Jewish and Rosh Hashanah is on Friday night.
Still don’t see the connection?
Let me explain.
On Rosh Hashanah Jews traditionally beg g-d for forgiveness.
They do this by eating a lot and praying.
After Rosh Hashanah there is what is called “the ten days of atonement” which culminate with Yom Kippur.
Here is the good part.
On Rosh Hashanah G-d supposedly opens up the book of life and decides who gets put in there.
Then on Yom Kippur the book gets sealed.
So, here is my theory on my surgery.
I am putting myself in a life threatening situation right in between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.
This means that I am staring g-d in the eye and saying,”take me!”
So, if for some reason I don’t wake up, then you know that I was obviously not a “good person” since I was not put in the book of life.
However, if I do wake up, then that means g-d has deemed me the greatest person ever.
Now, there is a third option.
I am going in for the doctor to shave off a bone spur in my left shoulder.
What if he makes a mistake.
What if I go under and the doctor accidentally thinks I am going in for penis enlargement?
If I wake up and my shoulder is still hurting, but I now have a 12 inch penis, what does that mean?
Was I good or bad?