Vicodin Valium and Frozen Corn
Fat Jewish Guy can normally handle pain.
Today was completely different though.
It was unmanageable.
Let me explain.
At 7am I started to take the Valium as prescribed by the dentist.
At 8am, I took two more.
By 830 when I arrived at Hatch Dental in San Diego, I was very much out of it and ready for my “oral surgery.”
It took two hours and 5 shots of Novocaine, but finally, I got out of the dentists chair, not able to feel my face.
Maybe it wasn’t the best decision to drink some coffee and have a cigarette while I waited for Shorty to pick me up, but hey, I’ve never been known to be the brightest bulb in he lot.
I got dropped off at home and was a bit woozy, as the Novocaine started to wear off, I began to experience pain.
We had decided to start the New Year off on the right foot, so Shorty and I had thrown out all the food in the apartment.
My choices were, frozen burrito or frozen corn.
I opted for the latter.
After I ate, I could not handle the pain.
Calling the doctor almost crying, he called me right back and asked me what hurt.
No offense to the doctor, but it was obviously my teeth.
He explained quite patiently that he had done major work and even used a clamp or two so it was no wonder why things hurt.
The doctor took my pharmacy number and said that he would call in some Vicodin for me.
Then I went to sleep.
Shorty woke me up at 7pm and I had an hour to get to the drug store before they closed.
Then I got a call.
It was my old college friend who is leaving town tomorrow and wanted one last cup of coffee for old times sakes.
In pain, and not shaved, I picked up my medication and then met at Starbucks.
I still couldn’t take my pill since I didn’t want to drive under the influence, but my mouth was throbbing and I had to cut the meeting short.
Finally I got home and found Shorty in bed.
Laying down next to her, I started feeling the worse pain I have ever felt in my life.
Thank g-d I had Vicodin, because otherwise I would not have been able to deal with it.
It made me forget about my tooth and could almost have rivaled child birth.
See, Shorty had the remote was was watching the bachelor.
The worse part was, she wanted to spend some “quality” time with me and in her words, “hoped I would get into the show.”
I couldn’t deal with the pain anymore.
I popped open the pill bottle and took one.
Then I laid down in the bed and proceeded with some of the worse torture known to man.
Seriously, if they would make the inmates at Guantanamo watch these vapid, soulless women vie for “love” on Television, there would be no more terror.
Thank g-d for drugs.
The only problem is I think this show lasts for 10 more weeks.
Rehab here I come.