Get High Legally For Free

Get High Legally For Free

Well, not really for free, it cost me 100 bucks.

Let me explain.

I needed a root canal today.

For those of you who are not familiar with this procedure, consider yourself lucky.

Basically, it involves killing the root so you don’t have any more pain.

Sounds good?

Let me explain further.

I went to the root canal guy today.

He’s not exactly a dentist, but I don’t know how to spell what his title is, so I’ll just call him the root canal guy.

They claimed it wouldn’t hurt, but if I wanted I could pay 100 bucks for laughing gas.

I figured I used to pay 10 bucks for a balloon on the Phish lot and since this was sure to be medical grade stuff, it would be worth it.

First mistake.

Apparently that wah wah wah feeling you get from sucking gas at a concert, isn’t exactly the feeling the dentist is going for.

So, they put the mask on my face, I fire up the Ipod and start sucking.

5 minutes later they check on me and I tell them to turn the gas up.

They come back in and ask me how I am feeling.

I tell them to turn the gas up.

Once more they come in.

Again I have them jack it up.

At this point I can’t feel my limbs.

So, I tell them to turn it down.

But they turn it down too much, so I tell them to turn it back up.

I can’t feel my limbs again, but figure that’s better the pain, so I suck it up. (pun intended)

Then they give me a Novocaine shot.

It hurts.

Then they give me another Novocaine shot.

I can’t feel my tongue.

They start drilling.

I yell.

They up the gas.

One more shot.

They try again.

I scream.

Apparently I metabolize anesthesia quickly.

Who knew.

Another shot.

Finally they are done.

It’s 20 minutes later.

4 songs went by.

I could have sworn that they were working on me for 3 hours.

Wah Wah Wah Wah.

Maybe the gas did work?


Then I go home and sleep.

When I wake up my mouth is on fire.

They neglected to tell me that when the Novocaine wears off I’m gonna be in pain.

Lots of pain.

Took a pill.

Felt better.

Pill wore off.

Felt pain.

Starting to get the cycle of tourture the root canal guy started?

But guess what?

It’s not over.

I still need to get a crown.

Whatever that is.

Maybe that doesn’t hurt?

No chance.

On the plus side I got to eat pudding.


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