I Have Seen Evil

Sarah Palin's Vagina likes the new 90210

It’s name is American Girl.

I will get back to this in a minute.

So, the drive to LA was not the best.

Traffic got bad and the ADD kicked in.

However, I was driving with someone I actually wanted to be with and when she wasn’t switching songs every 25 seconds it was a pleasure.

(disclosure…I do the same things with my music)

We get to LA and go to “The Grove,” an outdoor farmers market and restaurant mecca.

I immediately bolt for the Shawarma place and order in Hebrew.

After a few blank stares, I spot the golden glint of the lady’s cross.

She had no idea what I was saying, even though all the signs were in Hebrew.

Moishe’s Village turned out to be Ahmed’s Castle.

My shorty went and got Brazilian food and so we sat down and ate.

OK.

I am lying again.

I had finished my food while she was still in line.

So we get up and start to walk around.

She tells me that I HAVE to go in this store, American Girl.

It is the sickest, scariest thing ever.

Basically it is a doll shop.

Three floors.

Here is the deal.

You buy a doll that looks like you for a 100 dollars.

Then your child and the doll get hair cuts.

Then your child and the doll get matching clothes.

Then your child and the doll drink tea and watch a show.

I AM NOT KIDDING!!

You can drop hundreds of dollars in this place.

Everyone in there looked like Jon Benet.

So we keep walking, I get coffee and then we go to the Persian’s place to take a nap.

It just so happened that the Persian’s mom was there.

It’s funny, because her mom is South African.

But trust me, this chick is straight Pers.

I go in the other bedroom which happens to be the Persian’s friend’s room.

You know her as, “The Mexican”.

The room was decorated really nicely and even had a statue of a Mariachi Band that played lullabies as you went to sleep.

So cool.

The best part though was the bed.

Temperpedic.

With Temperpedic pillows.

Best nap ever.

Then we went to Westwood for raw fish.

Our waitress was a woman named Helen, but that wasn’t her real name.

Shorty and I were joined by her college friends.

Some woman from Japan/Ireland/Pasadena and her Latin lover.

They were awesome.

I had a roll and a salad.

Then dessert.

Italian Ice Cream.

Finally, we got to the parents house and now it’s time for bed.

I can’t stop thinking of those creepy creepy dolls.

Also, I am pissed off that I didn’t think of them first.