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3. July 2009

Uri Geller is a Media Whore

I started eating warm vomit for breakfast. (oatmeal) I lost 5 pounds this week. I had important news to share with you. Good things were starting to happen and I wanted to share with you guys. Then you opened your mouth and ruined it for everyone. Uri Geller…. SHUT THE HELL UP. You sound creepy, you sound like you molested kids [...]

2. July 2009

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Where to Get Diprivan

Many people after hearing about how Michael Jackson dies are asking me, “Hey Fat Jewish Guy Do You Know Where to Get Diprivan?” Well, I sure do. If you happen to be in Los Angeles and want some Diprivan, all you have to do is head south on the 101 freeway until you see the sign that [...]

1. July 2009

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Open Letter to Jamie Foxx

Dear Jamie Foxx, Screw you. What does that mean you “Shared Michael Jackson” with the white man. Are you retarded? Did white people say that we “shared Albert Einstein with you?” Did, we “Share Abraham Lincoln with you?” What you said was racist and ignorant. Next you will say that black people, “Share peanut butter with white people.” Now, I have a few [...]

30. June 2009

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Fashion Logistics

Yesterday I was wearing a hamburger costume and today I was over dressed in my Eagles Jersey. (let me explain) Fashion Logistics After the events of yesterday, I never thought that I would be able to top them, however, as I am starting to understand more and more, I was wrong. Yup, it takes a big man to [...]

29. June 2009

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Where is Michael Jackson’s Star?

When I woke up this morning, Shorty was gone. She was house hunting and I dreaded going so I turned on the television, watched soccer and ate a cantaloupe. After USA lost in a predictable heart breaker to Brazil, I decided that I wanted falafel. It was such a nice day out and I didn’t want to go [...]

26. June 2009

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Michael Jackson’s Jewish Eulogy

Michael Jackson died today in Los Angeles. I found out about it like most people did, on twitter while I was making number 2 in the toilet. My first thoughts and actually all my thoughts to this moment have been those of ridicule and jest. However, as I was watching MTV just now and the song, “Gone too [...]

23. June 2009

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Mexican Conspiracy

Mexican Conspiracy (why white people are dumb) It was a beautiful day in Los Angeles today. The sun was out and the weather was warm. It was one of those days where I remember why I moved out West. Anyway, after I went to the Chiropractor for an adjustment, I got inspired and decided to start eating healthy. However, as [...]

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